Signs you might need to work on your relationship with food
As you try to manage your food choices, what are the signs that the food is managing you?
Why your relationship with food matters
Your relationship with food goes beyond what you eat every day. It reflects how you think, feel, and behave around food. For a lot of people, food is more than fuel, it provides comfort, causes guilt or is something to control. When this relationship is strained it can lead to unhealthy patterns that affect your physical, mental, and emotional health.
If you’ve ever felt like food controls your life or your emotions, it might be time to examine this relationship to see if it needs some work. Understanding the signs is the first step toward a better relationship.
Signs your food is managing you rather than the other way around.
Your emotions drive what you eat.
Emotional eating is one of the most common indicators of a troubled relationship with food. This happens when you use food often as a way to soothe your negative emotions whether that’s stress, sadness or boredom.
What does it look like? You turn to comfort food after a stressful day, even if you’re not hungry. It gives you a temporary lift but often it’s followed by a feeling of guilt or shame.
Why does it matter? You’re not addressing the root of the problem that you’re trying to solve. Instead it leads to a cycle of dependency on food where it becomes your go-to coping mechanism.
You have this all or nothing mindset when it comes to food.
Unhealthy patterns with food are often driven by rigid thinking. If you label foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’ you will feel like a failure every time you deviate away from the good.
What does it look like? You eat a piece of cake for someone’s birthday in the office and immediately think you’ve ruined your diet. Next thing you know the ‘might as well’ mentality kicks in and you overeat for the rest of the day.
Why does it matter? This fuels cycles of restriction and overindulgence, making it harder to maintain consistent, balanced eating habits.
You spend a lot of time thinking about food or your body and it’s size/weight.
Don’t underestimate the mental burden of constantly thinking about food or your body and weight. If thoughts about eating, calorie content, body image dominate your day, that will take a toll on your mental well being.
What does it look like? You spend hours looking at recipes, planning meals, counting calories or points, reading about diets etc. If you’re presented with foods outside of your plan or your routine is disrupted you feel anxious.
Why does it matter? Constant thoughts about food or your diet interferes with all of the other areas of your life that you could be spending time on. It’s a major driver of stress and anxiety.
You don’t really recognise when you’re hungry or full, you eat around these natural cues.
Your body has built-in mechanisms to tell you when to eat and when to stop, but a difficult relationship with food can disconnect you from these natural cues. They are not completely failsafe as we live in an environment where food is plentiful and very tasty so it’s hard to recognise a feeling of fullness, but if we spend time tuning into them, they can be a helpful tool.
What does it look like? You skip meals to ‘save’ calories, surfing the urge to eat despite the hunger you’re probably feeling. You eat out of boredom rather than hunger or you clean everything on your plate despite feeling full.
Why does it matter? Constantly ignoring these signals can lead to overeating, under eating and a relationship of mistrust with your own body and mind.
Food interferes with your social life or daily life.
If food is dictating your social or daily decisions, it’s a red flag that it has too much control.
What does it look like? You might find yourself avoiding social events because you’re worried about what will be served or you feel that people are judging you for your eating choices. You might feel yourself compelled to comment on other’s food choices too.
Why does it matter? Food should play a supporting role in your life, not limit it. If it becomes a barrier to relationships or experiences it’s time to reasses.
So what drives an unhealthy relationship with food?
Recognising the patterns and understanding why they emerge can help you to address them effectively. The most common contributors include:
Diet Culture - For women in particular, the societal pressures that we have grown up with often promote restrictive or unsustainable eating habits with the aim of achieving an ideal body shape or being seen to be ‘healthy’ i.e. thin.
Emotional Triggers - Stress, anxiety, unresolved trauma can all contribute to unhealthy food behaviours whether that’s over or undereating. Not having appropriate non-food related coping strategies leads to an overdependence on eating or not as a solution.
Conditioning: Growing up being told to always clean your plate, being rewarded with a sweet treat for doing something good or frequently being told that you should go for a run to work off an overindulgence are just some things that happen over and over and lay down a foundation that links food with feelings of accomplishment or self worth.
How can you repair this unhealthy relationship?
Eat more mindfully, without distraction. Focus on how your body feels as you eat.
Challenge those food rules. Allow all foods into your diet. If that causes you some stress ask yourself why? Don’t label them as good or bad, focus on how they make you feel physically or emotionally.
If emotional eating is something you’re experiencing - try and find some alternative ways to cope with your feelings. Make a list of things and when the urge to emotionally eat strikes, choose to do something else instead.
Build balanced and sustainable habits. Plan regular balanced meals, avoid skipping meals to prevent extreme hunger.
When to seek help
Sometimes rebuilding your relationship with food requires outside support. That might take the form of therapy, a coach or a nutritionist/dietitian.
If you:
Struggle with persistent binge eating or emotional eating
Feel overwhelmed by guilt or shame around food
Notice that food related stress is interfering with your daily life
You might benefit from some structure support and strategies to help you. If you’d like some free support book a 15 minute call with me here.
If you enjoyed this article and you want to be notified every time subscribe!